Forty and Grateful
Reflections on time and a few things I’ve been loving lately
Last week was big in two ways.
I turned 40. And this space crossed 1,000 of you.
Forty. Where did the time go?
Time is strange like that. The months blur and the years collapse into each other, and yet when you look back, they’re full. Full of places, phases, versions of yourself you barely recognize but somehow still carry. It’s cliché to say that time flies, but the truth is it moves much faster than I’m ready for. And more and more, I find that the smallest moments end up mattering most: the ordinary mornings, the big jumping hugs at school pick-up, the routines you once hurried through and later realize were the whole point.
The years between 30 and 40 moved quickly for me. I was deep in motherhood, and still am. I had my first baby at 28, my second at 31, and my daughter at 36. In between, I worked full-time in a demanding agency role, had a start-up project on the side, later moved in-house, and often felt like I was operating at full capacity. And then there was the pandemic, which distorted time entirely.
There were years that felt intense, and definitely times when I put myself on the backburner. Some were chaotic and lovely at the same time. Others, in hindsight, were shaping me more than I understood then.
The last decade held health scares and uncertainty, but also the kind of love that strengthens you and means everything. Snuggly mornings with my babies. Trips to far-off places. Long dinners with friends. Celebrating a decade of marriage with my best friend. Swims in cold Swedish water and the warm Mediterranean sea. The ordinary magic and mess of building a family.
And so much of it unfolded here — in Stockholm.
We moved back from New York before our first son was born. At first, we desperately missed the pace and the energy of the city we’d left behind plus family and friends. We were young parents and newlyweds, trying to figure out new rhythms and new identities. But as our family grew, so did my understanding of what this place offers.
There is something about raising children in Stockholm that feels steady and safe in ways that matter. I won’t romanticize it too much (you’ll read plenty about that here already), but turning 40 in this city feels significant. Because for most of my life, I’ve lived between places. It feels like finally landing somewhere I didn’t plan, and slowly putting down roots.
I was born in 1986 (my kids think that was 100 years ago) in the UAE, in a very different Dubai than the one people picture today. It was quiet then. Camels roamed the roads. Sand covered the undeveloped highways to Abu Dhabi, and we spent our days alone on the beach.
When I was six and a half, we moved to the US. My childhood and teenage years were shaped by Boston and its East Coast grit. Later came laid-back and friendly Texas, where I was lucky enough to ride on the equestrian team at university. Then formative years in New York and Stockholm, working in the agency world and learning how to navigate fast-paced creative industries and ambitious environments.
Looking back, I realize I’ve spent much of my life between places. Dubai, Boston, Sweden, New York. Home was never really one single place.
Swedish was always the language at home. My mother never gave up on stamping it into our brains. And yet, I never imagined I would spend my 40th birthday living in Stockholm. It wasn’t part of some grand plan. It simply unfolded that way. For that, and for the many small turns that led here, I feel a real sense of gratitude.
I don’t see forty as a time for reinvention. If anything, I finally feel some clarity.
I’m clearer about what I like. Clearer about what I don’t need to prove. Clearer about the pace I can sustainably keep. More aware that constantly pushing forward isn’t the same thing as moving in the right direction.
And perhaps most of all, more grateful for the small, ordinary moments that make up a life.
And for this space and the 1,000 of you reading along, I’m deeply grateful too.
When I started writing, I didn’t have a strategy (and I still don’t). I just wanted a place to think out loud about clothes, Scandinavia, culture, motherhood, design – all the details I can’t stop noticing. The fact that so many of you are reading along feels quietly extraordinary.
So thank you. For being here. For reading. For engaging. For cheering me on.
Forty feels good.
And 1,000 feels like encouragement.
I’m very grateful for both.
Alright, enough reflection for one morning. Now onto my usual unloading of things I’ve noticed lately. First, a few highlights from the past week.
Notes from the Week
For my 40th, my husband gifted me a trip to either the Cotswolds or Scotland. I’ve been dying to visit both for years, but it’s leaning toward the Cotswolds since we’ll only have time for an extended weekend. Scotland feels like it deserves a longer trip. If any of you have favorite places to stay, eat, or explore in the Cotswolds, please send them my way!
On my actual birthday we had lunch at G.A.T., Stockholm’s newest restaurant hot spot right across from the Royal Swedish Opera. The name is simply shorthand for Gustav Adolfs Torg, the square it sits on, and the concept is a New York–style bistro with a French menu. It was such a lovely, relaxed lunch with my husband and son (the other two were at school), and now I’m already looking forward to going back one evening for dinner and one of their viral cocktails.
The restaurant sits inside Davidssonska huset, a building from 1896. Swedish architect Andreas Martin-Löf designed the interiors and worked carefully with the original architecture, preserving the beautiful wood paneling and historic details rather than replacing them. Monocle just wrote about the place.
This weekend we went to see the Late Picasso exhibition at Moderna Museet. I really enjoyed it, and my 8yo, who is completely obsessed with drawing, came home wildly inspired and spent the rest of the afternoon making abstract sketches with his older brother. Keeping a 3yo from running straight into the paintings was slightly more challenging, but overall it felt like a win for the whole family.
My husband and I have tea together every evening, a ritual we started when my daughter was a newborn. I’ve always been a big tea drinker. I started my caffeine habit early (haha), with a cup of Earl Grey most mornings before grade school. My husband, on the other hand, was never much of a tea person. Somehow though, he’s come to love it too, and now it’s something I really look forward to after putting the kids to bed.
Lately we’ve started making a pot instead of using individual tea bags. It took a little while to find a ratio we both like, but now we’ve got it just right. We’ve been on a Sleepy Time kick from my favorite old tea shop, Sibyllans, which has been around since 1916. Do you have any favorite non-caffeinated tea blends we should try?
Other things
I just finished Finding Grace. It was one of those books I didn’t want to end. As I mentioned last week, I discovered Loretta Rothschild through Instagram, and her reels are genuinely some of my favorites out there today. I’m also obsessed with her fashion week coverage. Give me more people who love fashion but are a little quirky and not so self-obsessed.
Social media is part of my team’s world at work, so it takes a lot to catch my attention, but the way she’s building her world feels refreshing and different. And I have serious glasses + red socks + cool desk envy. Now I’ve moved on to The Song of Achilles, a novel inspired by the myths behind The Iliad. It feels fitting since I was a huge Greek mythology nerd when I was younger.
Everyone and their cousin is talking about Love Story, and honestly, how could you not? I’ve gone down the full rabbit hole reading the interviews, stalking the actors on Instagram and their press tour dressing, dissecting the styling and interiors. Sogole Kane did an amazing deep dive on Calvin Klein that is a must read, and Talisa Sutton included several 90s interiors piggybacking off the show’s set design in her piece here.
After seeing Alex Eagle share the Calvin Klein Collection store from 1993 on Instagram, I fell into a bit of a John Pawson rabbit hole. Pawson designed several Calvin Klein stores in the mid-90s and helped define that extremely restrained retail language of the era. Around the same time, Jil Sander was building a similarly minimalist world in her stores with architect Michael Gabellini. Different architects, but very much the same moment in fashion.
While I love his retail spaces, it’s actually Pawson’s interiors, especially when he mixes old structures or locations with modern elements, that I’ve always loved. Our summer home’s architecture was actually inspired by the beautiful Baron House, designed in collaboration with the Swedish firm Barup & Edström.
The image below is from the Jil Sander Milan showroom designed by Gabellini Sheppard, another beautiful example of minimalist retail.
And this rabbit hole reminded me of another store that completely blew my mind when I first saw it: the Prada Epicenter in Soho. My brother took me there when I was a teenager, probably not long after it opened, and I remember standing in front of that enormous wave-like staircase in the middle of the store with a very strong urge to slide down it. This Instagram reel will give you all the early 2000s feels with the “high-tech” features of the store.
On to a Swedish brand…The jewelry brand MH925 recently launched a collaboration with sculptor Åsa Stenerhag, and I’m completely taken with the small “In Orbit” ring. I own one of Marie Häger’s Ellipse rings and receive compliments every time I wear it, so this new piece is very tempting.
Two recent pieces from Family Style that I loved: first, their interview with Dree Hemingway – aka Daryl Hannah for all of us currently watching Love Story. It’s a charming read about creativity, romance, and staying present in an industry built on performance. And the styling is just so good.
The second is a beautiful editorial with Anja Rubik set in one of my favorite cities, Istanbul. The photography is by Jeremy Everett, with fashion by Delphine Danhier.
And because my brain rarely stays in one lane, we’re now jumping from fashion to something completely different…movement.
I’ve finally gotten back into the swing of my favorite at home workouts, and I have to give a big recommendation to Shape Pilates by Gemma Folkard. I’ve tried most of the apps and programs out there, and hers is one I genuinely love and actually look forward to doing. Plus I think it’s because I have similar humor, and she gives all the proper details on form.
There’s truly something for everyone. A library of hundreds of videos ranging from pilates and strength (with real big weights too!) to stretching and meditation, plus live classes if you want that extra motivation. I think it’s only around £8 a month, which feels almost too reasonable for what you get. Gemma herself is also incredibly lovely and will actually respond to Instagram messages if you have questions, which feels rare these days to get to know the person behind something online. Try it!
And as always, some words…
XA
Well, I guess I'm the "old kid on the block" at 64! 😁 But honestly, my 40s was definitely a very happy decade for me, quitting the rat race and beginning a new life travelling and living in the tropics. It's been a fabulous experience and growing older is not something to fear, it is truly something to celebrate. I wish you a fantastic forties and every success here on Substack! I love your writing and how our taste in design is so similar. Our Swedish heritage at play. 😍🇸🇪 Varma kramar xoxo
This was such a special read. So happy to read you found home in Stockholm, and that you got to ring in a new decade there. Happy bday, and congrats on 1k!!